Picture of the Week (Wk 2)

I'm a little behind on the picture of the week, but that's okay, I've been busy with life!!

This is an oldie but a goodie and a repeat of the theme of teabags.  I saw this hanging out of our trash can and thought it was a good message, and a good picture.

A Good Birthday.

I had a great birthday yesterday, the first I can remember in a long time.  I didn't cry once and I was sober the whole time!
Sunday my awesome boyfriend and I went and bought my new bra at Victoria's Secret, it's adorable, Grey with a green underlay.  I love it!  Then he took me out to a wonderful little Thai place we went to when we started dating, so yummy!  We spent the rest of the evening playing WoW and he gave me my first birthday present a day early which he called "the impractical present."

From Amanda's Birthday

 Lady Sylvanas Windrunner.  He got me a figurine I've been drooling over for months.  She's pictured next to our obscene amount of dice.  What a guy!!!  Here's a close up of the details on her face.

From Amanda's Birthday

The next morning (my actual birthday) we played more WoW because S had off of work, and let's face it, I enjoy doing that in my spare time.  We did some stretching together and then headed off for a Sushi lunch that I decided to purchase as a birthday gift to myself.  It was DELISH.  I had a revelation how amazing it is being able to taste things now that I'm sober.  One of our rolls had a ton of different things in it and it's like I could taste them all.

After we got home I received my second and final present, which was dubbed "the practical present."

A T-Shirt from Jinx!!! I play a Troll Hunter in WoW and he got this AMAZING T for me.  So it's practical because "you can wear it."  I'm the luckiest girl ever!  Plus it looks FANTASTIC on me, and hugs my curves in all the right places.

Soon after the last present we baked a cake together and watched the travesty that is Resident Evil 2.  

It was the best birthday I have had in years.  Thanks to all of you who wished me a happy one, and a special thanks to S.  I don't know what I'd do without him.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.


I just really needed to type that out.

Just For Today 2/17

This one hit home for me, and I thought I should share. I am the definition of "Captain Save an Addict." That's something I've really been trying to work on and struggling with.  I know I'm not alone, S is the same.  Just have to let go.

February 17

Carrying the message, not the addict

“They can be analyzed, counseled, reasoned with, prayed over, threatened, beaten, or locked up, but they will not stop until they want to stop.” Basic Text, p. 65 ––––=–––– Perhaps one of the most difficult truths we must face in our recovery is that we are as powerless over another’s addiction as we are over our own.  We may think that because we’ve had a spiritual awakening in our own lives we should be able to persuade another addict to find recovery.  But there are limits to what we can do to help another addict. We cannot force them to stop using.  We cannot give them the results of the steps or grow for them.  We cannot take away their loneliness or their pain.  There is nothing we can say to convince a scared addict to surrender the familiar misery of addiction for the frightening uncertainty of recovery.  We cannot jump inside other peoples’ skins, shift their goals, or decide for them what is best for them. However, if we refuse to try to exert this power over another’s addiction, we may help them.  They may grow if we allow them to face reality, painful though it may be.  They may become more productive, by their own definition, as long as we don’t try and do it for them.  They can become the authority on their own lives, provided we are only authorities on our own.  If we can accept all this, we can become what we were meant to be—carriers of the message, not the addict. ––––=–––– Just for today:  I will accept that I am powerless not only over my own addiction but also over everyone else’s.  I will carry the message, not the addict.

Practical AND Romantic

I'm not big on Valentines Day, mostly because I'm jaded and bitter, but partially because I've never been able to expect much in the way of romance/wining and dining/presents because my birthday is exactly 7 days later on the 21st.  I'd much rather be smothered with awesome on my birthday.

So imagine my surprise when my super awesome boyfriend took me out for Chinese Buffet (my favorite in Fairview Heights) because it wasn't your typical romantic dinner, and we were both starving after our long day.  And then, to top it all off, he gave me a gift which he dubbed "Romantic and Practical."  The man knows me all too well.  After complaining about the state of my underthings for the months we've been together, he got my a gift card to Victoria's Secret so I can get myself a new bra.  What a guy!!

Here's to you S!!! I Love You!!  I can't wait to celebrate more silly holidays with you, more sobriety with you, and adventure more with you!

Chicken Tikka Masala

I promised a while ago that I would post about this amazing dish that I made, and it was so easy!  I purchased

Seeds of Change Tikka Masala Simmer Sauce from our local grocery store, if your grocer has a great organic, health, or ethnic section as ours did, you'll hopefully find it there.  Or you can purchase it over at Amazon.com.  I sauteed some chicken tenderloins until they were nearly done, and following the directions on the sauce jar simmered the chicken in the sauce, covered for something like 15 minutes.  I did it a bit extra than the instructions as I was waiting for the rice to cook.  For the rice, I used one in a box, Near East's Rice Pilaf in Curry Flavor.  It paired super nicely with the theme we were going for, obviously Indian.  Both of these are actually not too terrible for you and they both taste just great.  I steamed some broccoli, and all in all this dish probably took about 40 minutes from prep to table.  Normally I would prefer to make something from scratch, but it was easy, and so worth the out of box factor.  Absolutely delish, and I will be trying ALL of Seeds of Change's simmer sauces.  Near East products are a staple in our house, and I was so glad to get to spice up a meal with both of these tasty things.  I reccomend this 100%.  I mean, just look at the finished product!!

From 2011-02-06

Bon Appetite, Bloggies!

I've had time to update, I just haven't.  That's always been my problem in the past with blogging.  I think I can write now.  I've been kind of up and down emotional the last few days.  I am hoping it's just hormones, but the nagging voice in the back of my head says it's my Bipolar disorder.  Whatever it is, I'll come out stronger on the other side, because something so small can't beat me.  I've been through much worse many times over.
S and I went to a wedding last Friday (the 4th) for my friends B&S.  It was held in a beautiful little chapel, and they got to incorporate elements of both of their religious philosophies, like a Celtic Handfasting.  It was beautiful.  Admittedly, after my bad experience with my first marriage it really scared me and gave me a sense of something I'm not sure I'm ever going to have again.  T was a child in our marriage and that isn't something that I ever want again, but I do want that security, and knowing that someone wants only me forever.  I guess it's more than a symbol.  Anyhow, I got my hair done before the wedding, and got dolled up in my new little black dress and red heels, new makeup.  It was fantastic.  Not one person I knew there recognized me.  Not one!  It was so amazing.  I hardly recognize myself.  I can feel my self esteem swelling since that day, because I look and feel so different.  It's amazing what a new haircut will do for a gal.

From B & S Gubany Wedding

S and I at the Reception.

From B & S Gubany Wedding

H and I at the Reception.

From B & S Gubany Wedding

Meggles and I at the Reception.

After the dinner portion of the reception we left, since we're both in recovery and neither of us wanted to be tempted to drink.  Seth dropped me off at the one LARP I still attend and I had a ball.  Didn't get home till 4 am and then went in at 5 that evening (Saturday) for my second day of work.  3 whole hours.  It's frustrating to keep hearing I'm going to get slammed with hours and to not see it happening.  I could already be working the bar and serving by myself, it's not rocket science.  I'll have the chance to prove myself tomorrow night, because I want to be able to do my own thing.  It also sounds like I'm going to be working a lot of weekends, which I have no problem with, but I do think it's unfair that no other employees will be.  I mean, really I only want the first Friday and Third Saturday of every month off.  Not too hard right?  I suppose it is.  Anyhow, that rant is for another day.  

I spent the rest of the weekend relaxing with S, and on Monday we had our weekly NA home group meeting here in Highland.  It was an awful experience.  I felt completely singled out because I am in a relationship with someone in the program.  Two people cut down those in relationships in the program, stating if one of us relapses, the other is likely sure to follow and also that if they attend meetings together they use each other like a "warm blanket" and that they can't share as honestly.  I was so angry and hurt by this!!! I am so thankful to have S in the program with me.  I don't think there is one thing that I've said to him in private or that I've thought in my own head that I haven't shared in a meeting.  How dare these people act like we have no control?  If he were to relapse today, I can't say that I wouldn't, but I don't want to.  Addiction is a cunning disease, and love sometimes can cloud our judgement, but I am my own person, and my recovery is MINE.  Not S's, not anyone else's, mine.  I almost walked out of that meeting.  I'm going to an out of town meeting tonight, and I'll discuss it with my sponsor and ask her advice.  It just cut me very deeply.  When people act like that, or say things that these people did in regards to other things (I won't go into detail.) it drives newcomers away, of which there were two at that meeting.  I don't really know how to express how angry I was.  But I didn't snap, and I didn't walk out of the meeting and that's a big accomplishment for me.

S and have started exercising again which I'm super thankful for.  Monday night we did the P90x Cardio, and last night we did their Kenpo X video.  Today I'm really feeling the burn in my muscles and joints.  It's a fantastic feeling, actually.  My amazing boyfriend in all of his brilliance came up with a list of tangible exercise goals to keep us motivated.  They range from Weddings, to our vacation to Gen Con, to games we're participating in.  As we've both said, "For Vanity's Sake."  I think that that's a good kind of selfish, because really, yes I'm doing some things I have and am doing to show up other people.  However, I'm doing them to better myself, and through that showing up others.  I don't see anything wrong with that and I'm okay with it.

I have another appointment for my collar bone (which I broke in August) on Monday and then on Tuesday I have my first psych appointment.  Other than that I just spend my time with my boyfriend and our two adorable cats, on my recovery, and working and gaming.

Such is the life of someone trying to find herself I suppose. :)